Oh!
Why does everything have to be so complicated?

That little voice is tell me,
"Watch your step! Don't fall into this hole again."

Overgeneralizing, but maybe for good reason.

Please, please, please make up your mind.

It's nice to have this feeling in my stomach again.

Time to think about getting in the shower.
Get dressed.
Put on a face.

Look up train times.
Get on the bus.
Get back to the train.
Get back to Indiana.
Get back in the car.

Listen to that music much too loud.
Drive way too fast.
Get back home.

Maybe not even go home.
Maybe go straight to your friend.
Tell her all about it.
Yeah, that sounds good.

That sounds like a lot of driving.

Dear Jessi,

As you may have noticed over the years, I am terrible at putting stamps on envelopes and mailing things in your direction in a timely manner. As my time has run short, there are a few things that need to be brought to your attention:

The first being, I miss you already. You have no idea the profound joy it has been to have this short time with you. You brought a spark back to my life that I hope I can feel even after you're gone.

Secondly, please make sure I actually have your new address in the event I have a change of person and send you something. Considering the time it would take for me to remember, and then the distance it would travel, expect something in 2-3 months.

Lastly, I love you. I hope you find your mountain man out there on your travels...and I hope he has a brother. Come back soon, or I will have to find my compass and come find you.

I'm no good at ending these things, so I will leave it at that.

You're dearest friend and comrade,

Shauna M. Pierson

I think I know what part of my problem has been.
I think.

This may be the longest I've gone, in my entire life, without some sort of physical interaction with people. I've always been a very affectionate person. I like to touch people when I talk to them. I like to link arms. I like to be held around the waist.

Sure, I may have had glimmers of something in the past six months, but this has been the longest six months of my life. 2009 has not been very good to me.

For the first time, I have to watch what I do. All I want to do is sit next to you and not think about putting my head on your shoulder like I used to. Or kiss that part of your forehead. These things might not be possible anymore, but they are engraved into my memory of things that are good and things that I will always want.

It's so nice and so painful to be friends with the people that I am friends with. When I see my married couple friends hug, or cuddle in the way that married couples do, my stomach drops a little. I want to feel like myself and do things I used to do. I haven't felt like myself in a long time.